In Shades of Blue
by Ryocha
Summary: Life, I realize now, was never red. Never orange, never green. It only went through different shades of blue, because wherever you went in life, sadness was always at your heels in every situation no matter how much you liked it or not. AsuKira AU


**In Shades of Blue  
**By Ryocha

_Author's Notes:_ I really hadn't intended this to become a oneshot. At first, I was going to make it a longer story, maybe with five or six chapters, but I felt cheap and made it shorter with a sadder ending. XD Aren't I mean?

Anyway, if you want a mood setter before reading this oneshot, try "Panorama" by Masaaki Endou (Gakuen Heaven ending theme). Then, around the middle to the end, you could either play "Mizu Kagami" by Tomokazu Seki or "Fragrance" by Gackt.

Just a hint! XP Worked for me.

Enjoy!

* * *

Cold winter mornings always reminded me of how fortunate I was to be warm underneith a pile of comforters. It was perticularily cold today, and even the thick pink insulation wasn't able to keep this friggid weather out of Athrun's apartment.

Reminded of the cold air fluttering across my nose, I bury my head deeper into the abyss inside the mound of blankets. Bittersweetly, I smile and curl up, trying to catch some sleep before the peaked orange sun would ravage through the clear, glimmering windows.

My fist curls around something that I never noticed I had been holding. Bringing my hand sluggishly to my face, I open it up to reveil a wooden ingraved cross indented into the palm of my hand. Blinking, I turn it over and prop myself up on my elbow, making sure not to lose all of my covers and warmth while doing so.

My purple eyes observe the cross intently; I don't remember taking one with me to bed. Could Athrun have given it to me before I went to bed?

The thought of Athrun creeping into the guest bedroom, pushing a cross into my sleepy hands and brushing the hair out of my eyes while smiling, I admit, made me blush slightly. I always thought he was a bit of a romanticist deep down, though he never liked to admit it, so I could almost definitely see him doing it to me.

Me; what did I mean to Athrun? I laid my head down into the white fluffy pillow again, eyes still looking at the cross, but now with a sense of longing.

Did I mean anything special to Athrun; was I different from others? I had always wanted to ask him something like that for the longest time, but I always thought he would laugh and ask if I was joking or something. He's like that; if you ask him something personal, he asks if you're right in the head, or he changes the subject. I let out a sigh of regret, and maybe even guilt, for thinking such thoughts. I was on the same level as everyone else - the same level as Dearka, Yzak, Nicol and Miguel.

I whimper slightly, hurt by my own actions.

"Kira?"

I never noticed I had closed my eyes, but when I realized I had to look up from under my eyelids to see the door, I opened them immediately. Athrun stood in the doorway, a breakfast tray in his hands around his chest.

"Mmm?" I answer back lazily, barely able to hold my eyes open, let alone talk in a proper voice. He chuckles at me, walking into the room at a slow pace.

"Get up, it's already ten." Oh, that was considered early in my books. I could barely get up at noon, let alone a minute earlier. But even with that thought, I bring myself from the warmth of the covers to sit up, leaning against the headboard.

"Sorry 'bout last night," I mutter innaudibly, rubbing one eye with the back of my hand. Athrun places the tray on a night table – I can tell because my other eye barely catches the action. He then sits down softly on the edge of the matress, a bit nervous.

Something was up. Even with his slunched-over form facing away from me, I knew something had happened. "What's up? Oh… ham sandwich." Athrun had shoved the meaty food in front of me, waving it. He smiles wryly.

"Here, I know you're hungy." He whispers, and I feel goosebumps prickle on the back of my neck. Gracefully, even though not hungry, I accept the food and begin eating it slowly.

Once again, silence fills the room. Athrun was beginning to worry me, his body was too still. His green eyes, barely visible from my sitting position, were filled with worry. Like something had gone wrong. My own violet orbs narrow, putting down the half-eaten sandwich, trying to find my words.

"Athrun…" I whisper. His body jumps and turns to face me, his hands fidgetting with themselves. "I know when something's wrong with you." I say slowly, watching his face for any sign of emotion.

His eyebrows knitt together slightly, then relax. He then bites his bottom lip, glowing emerald eyes shifting to look away, almost guiltily.

"It's nothing." He whispers again. Again, goosebumps ravage my tanned arms. "It's something that has to do with… someone." Now my attention was caught.

"Who?" I ask, my voice gaining stability. He winces under the weight of the question and he lowers his head slightly.

"I…"

I place a hand on his shoulder, squeezing, forcing him to tell me. If I didn't, then he'd never say a word to me. He always thought me too fragile to take any real pain. But I was stronger than that.

Then, in a swift movement, he had his hand over mine. For reassurance, I guessed. Slowly, he squeezes; his head still drooped over. "Do you have the cross?" He whispers.

I nod, looking over at the cross, partially hidden by the bed sheets. Athrun's bottom lip trembles.

"Kira…" His voice made me feel like melting, just inaudibly whispering my name like that. He tightens his grip on my hand and intertwines it with his own. I skip a heartbeat.

"Athrun?" I was worried. Athrun never showed any real emotion unless…

"Kira, that cross… your mom gave it to you…"

Slowly, Athrun leans forward and his head goes to rest on my collarbone. His blue, sweet-smelling hair of minty shampoo settles under my nose and I take a breath, taking in his scent. At the same time, my heart is pounding. I feel numb to his touches.

"Yeah," I mutter, feeling him shivver against me, "Mom always used to give me little trinkets like that."

It was true, when I was little; Athrun and me would always play together. Occasionally, in her travels as a salesperson for some major department store, she would bring us home little necklaces and other toys. Athrun never knew his mother, so he had always considered mine to be his, so it made me nervous hearing him address her as 'yours' instead of 'ours'. Not to mention that she wasn't the religious type, neither did she ever continue to give us little trinkets when we were past seven.

Suddenly, I was scared of what Athrun had to tell me.

He had become quite comfortable against me, and he let go a long stream of breath.

"Kira, mother is…"

"Mmm?" I whispered, not hearing him properly. He choked up, his voice cracking as he gripped me tighter. I held him just as tightly back.

Then slowly, he raised his head and brushed up against me to make my breathing stop. His lips waited just outside the soft curves of my ear, his breath slightly ragged.

"Our mother is…"

Then it hit me.  
Everything.  
Everything that had happened this morning suddenly hit me.  
Athrun's form crippled with mine. My eyes quickly became wet.  
Mother.

She was dead.

"She had a heart attack at home, and died at the hospital last night…" Athrun told me through choked sobs. I continued to let go thick tears, not sure whether to start yelling or not.

Why?

Why did this happen to me?

"Athrun…" I tried to say, but it turned into a sob. My unused hand went around his neck, pulling Athrun against me.

Someone to hold.  
Someone to see things through.

While pulling him towards me, we managed to fall back onto the bed with him on top of me. Tears after tears poured out of our exhausted eyes, each of us wanting to stop more than the other, yet not holding any control over our emotions.

So we continued to cry, his face in my neck sobbing quietly, hands delicately reaching out for the wooden cross.

Her last gift to both of us.

Our hands were still intertwined, still looking for reassurance in each other, yet finding none.

My violet eyes were a blurr of nothingness, staring off into a melded masterpiece of blue. I burried my face into it, feeling the shades of blue engulph me, trying to find comfort in the heat pulsating from all around me.

Life, I realized then, was never red. Never orange, or never green. It only went through different shades of blue, because wherever you went in life, sadness was always at your heels in every situation no matter how much you like it or not.

Both Athrun and me however, were in the darkest shade of blue of all.


End file.
